A is for Attraction The Daily Mail 7/2/2012 For some, it is a bolt of lightning. For others, an irresistible animal magnetism. Poets celebrate it in verse, divorce lawyers retire from the proceeds. And every minute of every day, in every maternity ward on every continent, life is created from it. Attraction – that mysterious, …

B is for Beauty by James Kerr and Matthew Johnstone When it comes to finding love, deep down we’re a pretty superficial bunch. Beautiful people not only get the best-paid jobs, they also get the best-looking partners. Biology has no respect for respect political correctness. Statistically, women prefer their men taller, darker and with stronger …

C is for Commitment For many of us, when we see the word ‘commitment’ we read ‘confinement’. Like marriage, it is more a sentence than a word. “Settle for one person? For the rest of my life? I’d rather be committed to an insane asylum than committed to one partner – I’d be just as …

D is for Drama Wild love, or mild love? The whirling dervish of a ruinous romance, filled with flare-ups and falling-outs? Or a simple, stable, dependable relationship, filled with cozy fireside chats and the Sunday papers in bed with breakfast? It sometimes feels like mad and bad is the way love should be. A symphony …

E is for Emotion   Relationships often ride on waves of pure emotion and today we’re going to look at one of those emotions in particular – anger. Because anger is by far the most serious threat to a lasting love. Most failed relationships die by degrees, slowly beaten down by criticism and contempt – …

F is for Forgiveness   There is an old Native American parable.   “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart,’ a grandfather tells his grandson. ‘One wolf is vengeful, angry and violent. The other is loving and compassionate.”   “Which wolf will win the fight?,” the grandson asks.   “The …

G is for Gratitude The Kwakinti Indians in British Colombia have no word for ‘thank you’ yet live lives of extraordinary generosity. For them, gratitude is an action, a way of living and looking at life. They have ‘an attitude of gratitude’. They ‘do their thanks’ rather than merely paying lip service. For the Kwakinti, …

H is for Housework  Trust the Canadians to be so blandly practical. The University of Western Ontario reports that couples who ‘divide housework evenly report the highest levels of happiness and fulfillment.’ Another reports states that ‘sharing household chores’ is the third most important ingredient of a happy marriage, after faithfulness and sexual satisfaction. Meanwhile …

I is for Intimacy There is a very talented relationship psychologist called John Gottman whose ‘Love Lab’ experiments have had a profound effect on the way we understand relationships. Within minutes of interviewing a couple, Gottman is able to predict to an astounding 93% accuracy whether the relationship will last. He does it by dissecting though video, …

J is for Journey A love affair as a journey is a cliché and, like most clichés, it has the advantage of being true. The journey to true love begins at a chemical cocktail party, where testosterone and oestrogen mingle and merge in a phase the scientists and the Devil call Lust.  It doesn’t last. …

K is for Kids For most of us, having children is the greatest thing that will ever happen to us, even if it doesn’t always seem so at the time. Broken sleep, empty bank accounts and someone else snuggled up between us in bed can deflate even the most ardent of love affairs. It can …

L is for Loss With love, sadly and inevitably, comes loss. Separation, whether through bereavement, break-up or divorce is the price we pay for happiness.  The exact cost depends on how we handle it. In 1969, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross set out her 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. When first hit by …