I was recently ripped off. A friend decided to set up a business and he came to me for ideas, strategy, advice and connections. We agreed a fee and, over the course of a year, I did the work.  He paid my first invoice. But when it came time to settle the full amount, he didn’t. Excuse followed excuse and he finally folded the company and stopped answering his emails and his phone. The money to pay me was never there in the first place, and neither was the friendship. The financial loss hurts. But what hurts more is that I trusted, helped and vouched for him. So now I have a choice. Get mad, or get even-tempered. If I get mad, I’ll go mad; vicious thoughts spiraling and spilling out all over the people I love, rampaging through my life, ruining my relationships. If I get even-tempered, I take the best revenge I can: I don’t let the bastard get me down. It’s not easy – some days I just want to scream and shout and stamp my feet – but it gets easier, and it’s much gentler on my family. Which is all that really matters. The thing I’ve learned about forgiveness is that it’s not a gift you give to others. It’s a gift you give to yourself.

To be honest, I was quite pleased with it and was looking forward to hearing Matthew’s comments, until I heard them: “Sound’s like you’re still angry’, he said, ‘ and that you haven’t forgiven him at all”. Which kind of annoyed me, until I realised he was right. I was, and still am, angry – and find it difficult to forgive him and to forget. Which taught me a good lesson. Forgiveness is a process, not a result. You can’t always just forgive and forget – you have to forgive, and forgive again, and again, and again, until you’re so bored with it you find one day that without even realising it you’ve forgotten what it is you are forgiving and have moved on. Forgiveness is a habit, a discipline and a devotion – it takes time but, like any good investment, it pays dividends.

JK

The other day I threw this large red rubber band down on the bench and this is how it landed. As we’re doing the Alphabet of Love I decided to take a snap of it. The funny thing is I tried to replicate it a couple of days later and for the life of me I couldn’t do it; but I did make a very nice 8.

When James and I did the original Alphabet of the Human Heart  I came up with this idea for P is for Passion which was about when an idea really takes hold it takes on a life of it’s own, the energy behind it becomes effortless. Sometimes you get to close to an idea; at the time, I was quietly chuffed with this concept. The publisher however took it as ‘get a rocket up you’ and thought it inappropriately phallic. In hind site I think they were right – I had a good chuckle when I discovered it this evening.

A gardener who took inordinate pride in his lawn was plagued with large crop of dandelions.

He tried get rid of them. He tried everything. Still they returned. Still they plagued him.

Finally he wrote to the local council, thinking that they must have the answer. He listed all the measures he had taken and asked “What shall I do now?” On official letterhead, by return post, the reply came: “We suggest you learn to love them.”

Sometimes in life things don’t turn out exactly as planned. The job isn’t the dream position you’d thought it was. The paradise island turns out to be a bit of a nightmare. Your partner snores at night and leaves the top off the toothpaste. Your team loses in extra time.

You can try to resist, swimming against the tide to make things different. Or, sometimes you can relax and go with the flow. Not give up exactly, just give in to the inevitable. And it’s amazing what can happen. The thing you wanted to change might just end up changing you.

I always hated dandelions, but my two-year-old son loves them. He likes to blow the seeds and see where they land. Now I love dandelions too. And though my lawn is an overgrown mess, my life is working out just fine. JK

As we’re on the Alphabet of Love in the Daily Mail, nothing says ‘I love you’ to yourself than taking up meditation. In this crazy, hyper, connected world, meditation is the best medication for a busy brain. I’m delighted to announce that this week Quiet the Mind (an illustrated guide on how to meditate) has launched this week in Australia.

Please check out the review in the Sydney Morning Herald from this morning. Coming to the UK to launch the book in April and to work on some more Alphaheart material with James woo hoo!!!

Omwards and Upwards.

Matthew J

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/peace-of-your-mind-20120223-1tou6.html

This morning I went for an early morning walk and found some delicious coloured leaves which hinted to a pending Autumn. I was so inspired by their hue I made my wife (who was away) an additional Valentines card.
I then emailed it to her. It was nice recycling a bit of nature and I think it made my wife’s day too. MJ

Today our first column was featured in the Daily Mail.

Check it out here

The most visited news site in the world? What is there to be nervous about?

In The Alphabet of the Human Heart we wrote about S is for Stress:

“Insomnia. Heartache. Anxiety. Depression. The cost of stress is never worth the salary that demands it. When designing your work life, make sure that your life works. Stress the importance of relaxation. Exercise, meditation and moderation all release the tension. Drink, drugs, and junk food don’t. So, unwind your mind. A little stress is healthy. Too much can kill you. Deal with it before you snap.”

Easy to say, right? Not so easy to follow. To be honest, alongside all our other commitments, getting the words and pictures together for the column has been pretty stressful: late nights, early mornings, long international telephone calls, anxiety, insomnia, irritability. Two recovering perfectionists falling off the bandwagon…

So, today our homework is to relax. Just relax. To do one, simple thing to shake off the adrenalin that’s been bubbling under all month. I’m going to take a walk on Hungerford common with my family and maybe go to sleep without setting my alarm. Matthew is off on a long overdue date with Ainsley, his wife. And, whether we believe in God or not, we’re going to make a mantra out of the Serenity Prayer:

“Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
the courage to change the things we can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The Daily Mail.  Monday 6th Feb, 2012.

Bring. It. On.
 
JK
 
 

If you’d like to see the link go to www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1345962/The-alphabet-human-heart-Matthew-Johnstonesl-new-bookon-toxic-emotions.html

This is a fantastic start to our little book in the UK. W is for Woo and H is for Hoo!!!